The Crossing Guard

Several times each week, I end up driving Emo Boy to school for some extra help in the mornings, which requires me to actually brush my hair, don sunglasses and hope nobody sees me en route. Even my dog-walking neighbor has learned to schedule his runs around my schedule, so says the fantasy dominatrix in my head.
Not that I know anyone I may run over into, but that’s beside the [...]


Coyote Ugly

Its a little known fact that I actually am girly.
I try to avoid the “girl” stuff, because, well, it enters into that area of life where emotions run rampant and my little black heart simply cannot deal. But, I have to admit, I enjoy the make-up, the clothes, the flutters I get from various songs, and the “chick flick” genre.
I’m only human. At least once in a while.
Rolling around my [...]


Wisteria Lane Block Party

Yep, I stole that “Wisteria Lane” thing. You’ll be fine, Freakles.
How do I begin this saga… with the “playbill” invitation I was given weeks ago announcing this Stepford Block Party, the one I conveniently put under a ton of other papers I’m ignoring? Maybe with the second reminder, much like my HOA dues, that was handed to me by a cute, yet devious child that was not related to me [...]


Curses! Foiled Again!

Well, its been a week. Um, a bad, hectic, draining and shitty week that has provided me with plenty of, well, stress. But, its over. My taxi-driving to and from 2 different camps has ended, and no children were harmed by their day camp experiences. I got paid, I got vodka. Freedom got out of the hospital on Tuesday and spent three days on “basement arrest,” during which he was not allowed [...]


Woke Up... it Was a Stepford Morning!

This morning, 15 minutes before my alarm went off, Sunshine woke  me  up to tell me that I didn’t have to get up because she had given the dogs water and cleaned up a mess on the floor.
Yeah, ok.
I made my way down the stairs,  happily surprised by her mess-cleaning effort, started the coffee and dispensed cereal. After unloading the dishwasher, I figured I should take the dogs out so I could [...]


Hi, I'm on Acid.

The only thing funnier than nipple-concealing petals was the woman behind me who high-tailed it to the next aisle as I took photos of bras with my phone. I think she may have left a child behind in her haste to get away from the crazy lady on acid who thinks its hilarious to take photos of lingerie in Target while slurping her real (I think) latte and pretending she’s actually one of the “normal” ones.


Stepford, Tie Dye, DC Winds and Stuff

As I may or may not have mentioned, I tried to sell a bunch of tie dye on Halloween at a local “Fall Festival” here in NoVa.
My HOA (uh, that should have really told me to stay away, since I am ethically against HOAs, but whatever) sponsored the festival that should have happened on the 24th. Well, it got rained out, so it was rescheduled for the 31st (just writing [...]