I am about to say the most unthinkable statement that has ever come out of my head.

Well, no, there have been plenty of these thoughts, but this is the one I choose to admit. Based on my blazing entry into fertility yesterday (just scroll down, k?), I have been walking around naked, wearing only a cock ring.

Name that movie and the first celebrity I wanted to… oh fuck, I can’t take this.

Oh, that wasn’t the unthinkable statement. I’m drawing out the anticipation, yo.

My mind is afire with visions of sex. It is swallowing me whole and in between these hot flashes (heh), I keep having a visual of a fucking baboon’s ass. My subconscious has linked my vagina to a primate’s ass.

I’ve been home all day with the kids, except when I ventured to the grocery store and did a double take at the little bottles of “chubby” drinks for kids. Then, I spent two hours on the phone with a client while trying to keep my composure. All I have is this blog, and its not exactly the release I’m looking for. At. All.

No offense, of course.

I am about to hit the streets with my flaming baboon ass vagina and proposition the first adult who walks within 200 feet of me. I’m hoping its the neighbor dude with a snow blower so that this winter I can call in some favors, but at this point, I don’t think I’m going to be that choosy.

Curse you, hormones. Curse you to Hades.

Mmmmmm, Hades. He was hot…

 

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